this guy seems to be the man...

Barbecue mastery can be yours with the Weber Smokey Mountain! In just five dinners, based on my own research and the wisdom of dozens of barbecue masters from all over the country, I will teach you how to smoke chicken, ribs and pulled pork. But more importantly, I will teach you the secrets of imparting pure, beautiful smoke flavor, and the techniques of proper fire control that will enable you to smoke any meat you want successfully.

Ready to do exactly as I say with no questions asked? Good. Sit humbly at my feet, pupil, and prepare to begin your journey.