paul shirley's garbage time blog is back...

My role on this team, with regard to games, is to cheer at the end of the bench, give encouragement to my teammates as they leave the floor during one of the 74 timeouts in an NBA game, and stay prepared enough to play should catastrophe or blowout befall my team. I do not however, play when it counts. Contrary to popular belief, I am not actually retarded, and can occasionally make a coherent basketball play. This is the first time since, well, ever that I have not been asked to play in parts of the game that will directly influence whether some little kid that is a fan of my team goes to bed with a smile or a whine. A reporter recently asked me if wins were as sweet, and losses as sorrowful because of my stunted participation (his question, actually, was nowhere near so poetic—it’s easier to make things sound good when a backspace key is available). I was impressed by its direct nature. I don’t think he was trying to stir up controversy; he seemed truly curious. Of course, I suppose that is his job. I might have dodged a bullet when I chose a more thoughtful answer over, “Man, this is some [bovine excrement]. I can’t believe I ain’t playin’. I mean, what is coach thinkin’, man? All’s I need is a chance.” Whew.

If X is the magnitude of the emotional result of one game (either negative or positive), the following would be some of the multipliers which would result in an aggregate emotional impact for people with different investments in a particular game:

Starter: 2.0X
Bench player who sees significant time: 1.8X
Head coach: 1.7X
Assistant coach: 1.6X
Me: 1.5X
Trainer: 1.3X
Security guy at arena: 1.2X
Steve Nash stalker: 1.1X
Standard fan: 1.0X
Drunken homeless guy outside arena: 0.5X