hilarious...

The text messaging begins in the hours ahead of the plundering and pillaging planned for the night.

"Arrrr," read one from Justin (Bonedaddy) Theriault to Jackie (Cap'n Jack) MacLeod. "Our boat be sailin'."

These are the scurrilous words of a band of local pirates - pub-crawling pirates - with the goal of conquering the bars of New York.

By day, they are mild-mannered civilians with jobs at banks and well-meaning nonprofit groups.

But on those nights when pub piracy is nigh, they don eye patches, hoop earrings - and colorful bandanas, too.

They also carry a paper parrot dubbed "Harvey" and a plush monkey named "Monkey."

And being pirates, they call each other "Matey" and growl things like "Arrrrrrr" and "Shiver me timbers" to anyone who dares approach them.

The idea was hatched in March when "Scurvy" Kiera (The Dangerous) Downes-Vogel, 26, of Astoria, Queens, spotted an issue of Time Out New York that listed 41 great dive bars in the city.

She suggested to a couple of friends that they should go check them out - all of them - and her friends instantly agreed.

MacLeod, 25, also of Astoria, quickly realized that in order to scout out all of those bars they would need a map - and being a graphic designer, she drew it up herself.

The crew dubbed it a "treasure map," and burned the edges for effect, and soon the idea that they were pirates hunting for the treasure was formed.

The pub pirates have three rules: Don't ever leave a fellow pirate behind. Don't do shots. And, perhaps most importantly, always wash your hands.