watch out for the bunghole...

here's an audio clip of lyndon johnson on the phone with mr. haggar trying ro rangle himself some free slacks.

LBJ: Now the pockets, when you sit down, everything falls out, your money, your knife, everything, so I need at least another inch in the pockets. And another thing - the crotch, down where your nuts hang - is always a little too tight, so when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there, uh because they cut me, it's just like riding a wire fence. These are almost, these are the best I've had anywhere in the United States.
JH: Fine
LBJ: But, uh when I gain a little weight they cut me under there. So, leave me , you never do have much of margin there. See if you can't leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.

fredeeky is so busy...

sorry for the lack of action, but am in the process of training and being trained and cannot very well be seen posting photos like this one while i should be filling my head with work related knowledge.



can we talk about how much that monkey loves that cola? he choses the delicious cola over all of those apples that he has his ass on. i probably would to. wow, i can't tell you how much i love monkeys doing "people things". if only he was wearing a little top hat and a tuxedo. that would be beyond hilarious.

anyway, this is not the end of the blizzy, but merely a two week hiatus while i increase the size of my already enormous brain. by the time i get back to full-time blogging again i will be so smart that you peasants will barely be able to understand my highly intelligent funnies. there will be mythological references, triple entendres, foreign language poo jokes, and all sorts of other high brow humor. mark it down on your calanders and look forward to it. in the meantime here's a photo of a guy with too many toes. enjoy.

it ain't cool to be no jive turkey so close to thanksgiving...

sorry for the lack of action on the blizzy, but things are getting a little hectic here at work. i think i got a new job starting on mon. so i have a lot of loose ends to tie up. still, no reason to screw over my readers whom i love. so here's a happy thanksgiving to:

andre the giant
the deezy
barry beck
high life
miami spice
reggie roby
little birdie
earl babst
k-dog
a-game

in the meantime here's a link to my favorite quote from trading places.

first place knicks...

we did so good at the taj this weekend that we bankrupted the donald...

andre and reggie should big up all over themselves as they both came up winners at the first bi-annual fredeeky gamblefest. lurens and viking (who are not readers) lost money, and charlie van buren (not a reader, but a craps genius) was the big winner. we also rocked the limo on the way home and virtually destroyed it with sandals, coors light and scotch. not to mention some lemon line power ade. fredeeky turned his winnings right around and bought himself a couch of craigslist. i love you gamblor. observe and respect.

oh here's the item about the donald:
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/11/22/business/22cnd-trump.html

how the f can you go bankrupt running a casino?

most dangerous toys...

Warnings: “…THE POCKET ROCKET CAN BE A DANGEROUS ACTIVITY AND MAY RESULT IN INJURY OR DEATH EVEN WHEN USED WITH SAFETY EQUIPMENT AND OTHER PRECAUTIONS”

i'm not sure if this is hot or not....

chicks playing video games? cats and dogs living together? earl voting for the green party? reggie roby screwing up a punt? andre not being a giant? deezy hating christmas? mac fu not loving shaq fu? barry beck not protecting the blue line? high life not suing everybody/keeping it hip? i think that's all my readers and i think that's pretty sad.

thank you internets...

watch chimps doing kung-fu

"I was just trying to get it into the hole."

Jamal Crawford, the Knicks' main acquisition last summer, banked in a 26-foot 3-pointer at the buzzer, capping a 93-92 victory over the Houston Rockets at the Toyota Center.

watch it for yourself

spurrier to coach cocks...

i'm suprised steinbrenner hasn't tried this...

CHISINAU, Moldova - The chairman of a Moldovan soccer team became so incensed when a penalty kick was awarded to the opponent that he drove his car onto the field and tried to run over the referee.
During Saturday's first division game in Floreni between Roso Floreni and Politehnica Chisinau, referee Vitalie Onica gave Politehnica a penalty kick with the score 1-1.
After Politehnica made the kick, Roso chairman Mihai Macovei drove onto the field and attempted to run over the referee several times. Onica dodged the car each time.

it's all i could find barry....

here's a link, click on 75 years of thanks.

what is going on in florida?

it seems as if vanilla ice's oversized kangaroo has gotten loose.



PORT ST. LUCIE, FL -- We're learning more about a Kangaroo captured by animal control officials Tuesday.

Two callers to the Port St. Lucie Animal Control tell officers that the 60 pound animal belongs to Vanilla Ice. The rapper has not come forward to claim the animal.

a nod to reggie roby....

how could i put a post up about the stanford band without mentioning "the play", perhaps the most famous play (along side "hail flutie" -- sorry mac) in college football. thanks to reggie you can watch it unfold in all of its ridiculousness.

an interesting interview with an israeli interrogator...

Tell me about Sheikh Yassin. How did you interrogate him?

I interrogated him twice, in 1984 and 1989. At the beginning he was totally silent. He didn't answer any questions. Then I said to him, I know you are a religious man, let's speak about religious knowledge. Now, to prepare for this interrogation I had learned the Koran almost by heart. I said to him, let's have a competition. I'll ask you a question about the Koran, and if I win I can ask you another about any subject and you have to answer. He was sure he would know it better than me. But I started asking complicated questions, and he didn't know the answers.

When you are in prison, you forget things. For example, I asked him to tell me the name of the only sura out of the 114 in the Koran that did not contain the letter mim. He didn't know. I asked him how many verses there were in the Baqarah sura, the longest in the Koran. He had forgotten. So I won, and I sat with him for hundreds of hours while he talked about the ideology of Hamas. He even told other detainees to cooperate with me, because he respected me. If he could he would have killed me, but he respected me.

this is what i want to look like on the bus back from atlantic city...

old timey lou reed jams...

http://www.loureed.org/prevu/

the stanford band turns out to be hilarious....

In 1990, the band was booed off the field at the University of Oregon's Autzen Stadium because it spoofed both the logging industry and the environmental movement.

The skit ended when a band member cut a stuffed owl in half with a chainsaw.

Perhaps the most infamous stunt came at the 1997 Notre Dame game. The band mascot, a person in a tree costume, ran onto the field at Stanford Stadium wearing a nun's habit as the band's announcer called Notre Dame the "Blightin' Irish," referring to the Irish Potato Famine in the 1840s.

The band introduced "Seamus O'Hungry," and described the Irish as a people whose "sparse cultural heritage consisted only of fighting, then starving."

The band still cannot go to games in South Bend.

who leads the nation in rushing?

that's right jamario thomas:



and he didn't even play in his teams' first two games. anothing intriguing note about north texas: they are called the mean green and their most famous alumnus? mean joe greene.

bush falls in love with a turkey named biscuits...

then pardons him and promptly hires him as secretary of agriculture.

thanks to high life for this one...

here's a hot video from the grey album

i really want a monkey, but maybe not an ex-laboratory monkey...

"I was delighted to be able to adopt a BUAV ex-laboratory monkey and wholeheartedly support the BUAV's important work, campaigning to end all experiments on primates"
Sir Paul McCartney

college football rivalries are awesome...

rising up out of columbus, ohio's “Wolverine Hatecore” scene these guys (a band called the dead schembechlers) do not like the univeristy of michigan:

this can't be good...

NEW YORK (Reuters) - The dollar tumbled against the euro on Wednesday, as traders shrugged off the surge in U.S. consumer prices in October and focused more on the upcoming G20 finance minister's meeting in Berlin starting from Friday.

Analysts have expressed concern that the Berlin meeting may do little to halt the dollar's slide since G20 officials are expected to put new pressure on China to let its yuan currency rise against the greenback.

The dollar earlier plunged to an all-time low against the euro at $1.3047 according to Reuters data, as the U.S. currency breached key technical barriers.

i feel like this is tailor made for andre...

HOUSTON (Reuters) - Hunters soon may be able to sit at their computers and blast away at animals on a Texas ranch via the Internet, a prospect that has state wildlife officials up in arms.

Underwood, an estimator for a San Antonio, Texas auto body shop, has invested $10,000 to build a platform for a rifle and camera that can be remotely aimed on his 330-acre (133-hectare) southwest Texas ranch by anyone on the Internet anywhere in the world.

The idea came last year while viewing another Web site on which cameras posted in the wild are used to snap photos of animals.

"We were looking at a beautiful white-tail buck and my friend said 'If you just had a gun for that.' A little light bulb went off in my head," he said.

www.liveshot.com

dirt mcgirt, a.k.a big baby jesus...

here's a great odb story from the times today. a couple of gems:

In a skit between tracks, another Clan member, Method Man, paused to explain how O.D.B. got his name: "'Cause there ain't no father to his style."

In 1994 MTV cameras followed him as he rode in a limousine to collect food stamps.

the world's greatest...

jesus robert can't you do any humping off camera? well, anyway, now you got the iron shef all up in the scandal and the post is creaming all over itself. are you happy?



A self-proclaimed minister tried to blackmail Gary Sheffield over alleged threesome sex tapes featuring the Yankee slugger's gospel-singer wife, another woman and R&B star R. Kelly, the player's rep and sources said yesterday.

In a statement, Sheffield said only that his wife — a child gospel star who didn't let him kiss her for the first seven months of their courtship — had had a long relationship with a musician.

He said he knew about the relationship, which occurred well before their wedding in 1999.

crazy undersized linebackers make college football incredible...

this guy is a badass

The USC roster lists Grootegoed at 5-11 and 215 pounds, small for a high school linebacker but bigger than Grootegoed. We'll give him 215 pounds, but he's only 5-11 if he's wearing cleats -- and standing on the Sunday Los Angeles Times.

Grootegoed is the sharpest fang in Southern California's pit bull defense, slashing through 300-pound offensive linemen to attack the ball. He is second on the team (to future NFL defensive tackle Mike Patterson) with 12½ tackles for a loss. He has three sacks and a team-best four interceptions. Did we mention the part about 5-11 and 215 pounds?

how can one man have so many incredible hairstyles?

this guy has been arrested 55 times (54 for public intoxication) and here's a look at all his booking photos. it's like a bad haircut flip book.

for mac fu....

hilarious shaq fu player photo from yahoo

antennas up...

i know it's corny, but it's the only photo of this guy's new hair-do that i could find:

this seems like a long time ago...

Christopher Ellis, who is better known as Daze, first learned about graffiti from the sketchbooks toted by his classmates at the High School of Art and Design. The real challenge came when he moved up to trains. He said he saw the subway car paintings as a way of adding a defiant touch of life to the South Bronx when entire blocks had been obliterated.

feel like gambling this weekend...

can i make a jungle fever joke? is that in bad taste?

just a cool photo...

i like to nerd it up every once in a while...

someone must have a use for this one...

maybe up in the bedroom, you know to keep track.



go hawkeyes!

it's back...

The theme of this year's 20th annual Alapaha Station Celebration on Nov. 12-14 will be "The Legend of Hogzilla." A crowd of about 8,000 is expected.

"Everybody has an opinion about whether Hogzilla existed," said Sylvia Roberts, one of the festival's organizers. "We're not trying to prove or disprove it. That's why we're calling it 'The Legend of Hogzilla.' People can decide for themselves."

There will be Hogzilla parade floats, a hog-calling contest and a greased pig competition. Elizabeth Moore, of Glory Methodist Church, is going to take 125 pounds of meat, make a 250-foot-long sausage and proclaim it as the "world's longest hogzilla sausage."

"We're going to let the gate open and go hog wild," she said.

worst lede ever...

NEW YORK - Instead of screaming "Jump," David Lee Roth will be yelling "clear!" The former Van Halen frontman is taking up a new trade — paramedic.

maybe these hip hop magazines should stop hosting award shows...

cause everytime someone gets f'ed up. seriously though, this is an all-time great ny post story. so many great throwaway lines like "Whoever was stabbed was not a celebrity." and The after-party at a nearby hotel was canceled.

The violence broke out as rapper Dr. Dre rose to accept the Vibe Legend Award from presenters Quincy Jones and Snoop Dogg, a witness at the Santa Monica event told The Post.
An unidentified man sitting with Death Row Records chief Marion "Suge" Knight lunged toward Dr. Dre with a knife — but members of rapper 50 Cent's entourage intervened, the witness said.
It is unclear who was stabbed. MTV reported that he might be a member of the rap group G-Unit's entourage.

It is unclear how the incident will effect UPN's broadcast of the show tonight.

"All I know is that someone from Suge's table ran forward to get to Dre, but a bunch of people from 50 Cent's table blocked him," said the witness.
"Whoever was stabbed was not a celebrity."

"It was pure panic," the witness said. "Russell Simmons ran out of here crying."

Another witness told MTV that Knight had run onto the stage, screaming obscenities at the audience of about 1,000. Several people in the crowd were pepper-sprayed, the network reported.

The after-party at a nearby hotel was canceled.

barry beck gets what ever barry beck asks for....

finally another hipster report. our resident hipster, oddly enough, has been too busy lawyering to bestow any hipness on us, but he's back and back with a vengence. ladies and gentlemen, i present high life:



Alright, I know I have been slacking, however I have to admit for a while I had lost my faith in music. Tuesday night's Modest Mouse show was the single worst concert going experience I have ever had. However, as Andre can attest, last night's Arcade Fire show at Bowery has restored my love for the obscure, mildly successful, critically acclaimed rock band. First, here are a few MP3s to get you through a crappy weekend:

David Byrne - "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"

Arcade Fire - Wake Up

On that note - here are a few recommendations from the last few months:

Richard Buckner - "Dents & Shells" - Long time alt-country troubadour, now living Brooklyn, drops his fifth or sixth album. Great singer/songwriter stuff.

Pavement - "Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain" Reissue - It's a weird feeling when albums you bought the day they came out start getting reissued,but this 10th Anniversary album is a welcome addition to any collection. Almost 50 tracks over two CDs. This is THE definitive "indie" rock album. 1994 saw Pavement struggling to avoid the fate of Nirvana and the rest of the "alt-rock" of the 90s. Malkmus's disinterested stoned delivery never sounded more sincere and the songs don't get any better. A classic. It also contains the most depressing song about tennis ever written, "stop breathin'" - "Gotstruck by the first volley /Of the war in the courts/Never held myserve/Send'em a wire, give'em my best /This ammunition never rests /Noone serves coffee, no one wakes up"

Devendra Banhart - "Nino Rojo" - Leader of the "freak folk" scene that has been brewing out of San Francisco over the last few years. Nino Rojo is his SECOND album of 2004 and no less amazing than the first. Most of it is just him and a guitar making sounds that seem to comefrom another time. Comparisons to everyone from Nick Drake to Dylan to Ella. This is pretty cool stuff. Oh yeah, he moved to Brooklyn recently too.

Elliott Smith "From A Basement on a Hill" - creepy posthumous album has a few classic Elliott numbers and a few throwaways.

Green Day - American Idiot. Yeah, I know, but this album kind of rocks.

this site is pretty cool...

http://www.musicplasma.com/

fan-tastic...

Ron Artest, left, with Havoc, Littles and Prodigy.

Artest called ESPN.com to protest the fast-spreading notion that he's trying to become a rap artist at the expense of his team. The album coming out Nov. 23, which Artest referenced in interviews Wednesday night, is an R&B release from Allure. Artest is the CEO of TruWarier Records and executive producer on the Allure album.